When Assumptions Hurt: Queer Couples and the Housing Market

It happens more often than people think: real estate agents automatically assume they are dealing with a heterosexual couple. And every single time, that assumption carries frustration, discomfort, and - whether intended or not - shame.

Whenever I make an appointment to visit a house “with my partner,” whether to rent or to buy, the response is almost always the same:
“Great, then I’ll expect you and your husband at that time.”

Always the husband. Always the default.

Recently, my wife and I went to view a house for sale. The agent looked genuinely confused and asked who my wife was.
“Is this a friend?”
“Your sister?”
“Why is she joining you?”

Still a bit stunned, we replied, “We’re married.”

The response?
“Oh… so should I call you ‘husband’, or how does that work nowadays?”

That comment lingered far longer than the house visit itself. We both walked away feeling shaken, uncomfortable, and honestly, hurt.

And this isn’t an isolated incident. Almost every time we visit a property together, there is surprise - sometimes disbelief - that we are a married couple. There are repeated insinuations that my wife must be my sister, or “just a friend” tagging along. Marriage between two women? That still seems unthinkable to some.

Which is baffling, especially in Belgium. A country often praised for being progressive, open-minded, and far from prudish. And yet, here we are in 2026, still navigating these micro-aggressions in everyday situations like buying or renting a home.

I’ll be honest: these comments almost always come from men aged 40+. This isn’t meant as an attack - just an observation about a recurring pattern. We’ve never had a female real estate agent so far, though I genuinely wonder whether the experience would feel different if we had.

So this is a small but important call to action for everyone working in real estate:

Please stop assuming that two women walking into your office - or showing up for a viewing - are “just friends” or sisters. Please stop defaulting to heterosexual norms. And above all, please approach people with openness and respect.

It costs nothing to say “your partner” instead of “your husband.”
It costs nothing to ask instead of assume.
And it makes a world of difference.

Because these moments do leave a mark. And they shape how welcome - or unwelcome - we feel in spaces that are supposed to help us build a forever home.